English 1301 students:
For our Friday, October 5 blog, please submit a comment of just one well-developed paragraph about the revisions that you will do (or already have done) to your cause and effect rough draft before you turn in the final draft at the beginning of class on Monday, October 8.
Remember that you have to do significant revisions to your draft to fulfill the contract requirement that would qualify you for an A or a B grade. So think big! Don't just comment that you plan to change a few words here and there. Propose to redo the overall organization, to add an entirely new section, or to do something else equally substantial.
After you submit your comment, you do not need to reply to any of the other comments. Instead, you can use the extra time to get right to your revisions!
For class on Monday, please read pp. 371-398 in Chapter 11, “Cause and Effect,” of our textbook, in addition to having your final draft printed out, along with your focused freewriting, which is also called looping (done in class), your rough draft, and your workshop sheet (filled out by your partner) to turn in. Please make sure to use MLA format.
If you have any questions about MLA format, here is a link that explains it: Purdue OWL
And, again, here is a sample first page showing you how to type your name, professor's name, course name, and date above the centered title:
Please note that only your last name and the page number should be in the header, and it should be in the top right corner of each page. Your name, professor's name, course name, and date should be typed at the top of the first page, and it should not appear on any page but the first.
Have a great weekend,
Dr. K
ASU gave me an understanding on how businesses work from expectations to preparations. I got plenty of advice, from students and teachers, on how to be a great employee. I made many mistakes at my old job and I was too head strong to see what I was going into. Like my job at Mcdonalds, I just accepted the first job I received instead of being patient. Many new kids my age working in a unfamiliar place think jobs are easy and cannot harm you in any way. I didn’t listen to those who told me that I was making a grave mistake and I took some hard recoil for being so dumb. Thanks to my naive self, I managed to have my managers break my spirit and had me stressed. I even had multiple employees quit when I did and the only think I got from that job was work experience.I’m glad I made this mistake so I can tell my kids and warn them about the dangers of Mcdonalds and how evil it is. I now know my worth as a person, not a machine. I can learn from my past experiences and go further in life thanks to my teachers and friends.
ReplyDeleteI have to change the whole order of my paper to remote because the essay is going from critical to less critical then back to important again. Also, I have many grammar errors that need to be corrected. My Introduction has been fixed already I just wanted to make it grab the readers attention more than what it did the first time I had it. As for the thesis I have to go back and tie everything back to my introduction paragraph. So times you start writing as you think and you forget the way you organized your entire paper.
ReplyDeleteSome of the things I may end up doing is, adding details of why I chose ASU. I'm probably going to add more examples in all of my body paragraphs. I'm going to check my grammer to see to see if I made some mistakes that I don't see before. I will probably add a new paragraph of another cause. The new paragraph could be about that ASU is a highly ranked university in the nation. I think I will also fix my thesis a bit as well. I feel my thesis can be one to two sentences long instead of having three separate sentences. That is what I'm planning to do to revise my essay.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have to do the same thing. Add more details to my intro and conclusion, As well as make a clear thesis.
DeleteI am going to have to make sure I have a clear thesis statement. I did not have a thesis statement that was clear when writing my rough draft. I will also need to extend all of my paragraphs by giving more examples or making the examples present more clear. For my conclusion, I may need to make sure that it restates everything i talked about in the body paragraphs. Aside from this, i will need to make sure my words are spelled correctly, have the proper punctuation, as well as make sure the sentences makes sense. So basically what I am saying is I am going to rewrite the whole essay.
ReplyDeleteI know that I am going to need to edit a lot of areas where I put my commas in page 2. I feel like I may have had 1 or two run on sentences as well. Even the person who was editing my paper was telling me that I had too many, so that is one error I have to edit on the essay. I also feel like I need to put in more detail on my conclusion because I really just recapped my whole essay and I didn't give an opinion on it which I should have so these are the things I will revise on my essay.
ReplyDeleteFor my cause and effect essay I will refocus my supporting details. Instead of on all the positive effects I want to include some the negative effects as well. Additionally a clear and impactful thesis statement will be added in on top of a better hook for the introduction. Next I want to cut down my conclusion there’s too many repeating ideas that just act as unnecessary filler. I finally I will make a clear structure of complexity.
ReplyDeleteI am going fix a lot punctuation errors. I feel like I have a lot of words in some of my sentences that are useless for being there. I also need to make sure of myself that there won’t be too much mistakes. Therefore, I’ll read over my essay dozens of times. I also need to make sure my essay is on topic throughout the whole thing. I will add another paragraph specific to why I really choose to attend ASU. I would like to add a few more causes to my essay but will be hard to stay within four pages. All of these things will be my plan on revising my essay.
ReplyDeleteI need to do a lot of revisions to my cause and effect essay before turning it in on Monday. One of my main revisions needed is to the organization of my essay. The way that I had written my essay was a very “rough draft” I need to organize it in a way to where my thoughts are laid out in a more thought out way that would make more sense to the reader. Another thing I need to revise is my sentence structure, some of my sentences are pretty long and could use some better wording and punctuation. I could also add a few more causes as to why I chose ASU because I do not have very many. It would add a lot more to my journey of choosing ASU. My spelling and punctuation could be revised too along with the elevation of my language. I hope that my revisions are sufficient enough to get an A.
ReplyDeleteFor my cause and effect essay I plan to combine 2 of my causes of coming to Angelo State, to make this one main cause even stronger. It has to do with a good nursing program, which was one of my paragraphs, and with the success rate of the nursing program to be high. I feel as if i combine these two together and then add one more cause on top of my other 3 paragraphs I can then organize by contributory to main. Saving the best for last you could say. Also, I plan on changing up my introduction to instead give background information on Angelo State, instead of myself and my senior year experience. I am then going to close it up by talking about my senior experience and why it influenced me to chose ASU. Hopefully, with this essay I make the right changes to get me an A!
ReplyDeleteIn order to be successful in this essay assigned to us i need to do major revisions to my paper. Despite having a well written hook in my introduction i need to establish my thesis statement. Steering away from it possibly sounding mechanical or it not even being easy to recognize. I need to write deeper into the causes as to why i even chose angelo state to begin with without going off of subject. To find different ways to write each of my first sentences to all my paragraphs. Overall think of how to successfully editing this essay to meet the contract agreement to strive for an A or B.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot to work on. For starters, I only have about two pages of information. I also have quite a few grammatical errors that I have noticed. I need to be more descriptive and fix all my mistakes. I feel that if I elaborate on each of my causes then it will help me get to the length I need. I will also need to make changes to my thesis statement because it is really long and I think already have an idea on how to fix it.
ReplyDeleteIn my rough draft I wrote about the causes and effects of my decision to attend Angelo State University. I need to choose one of the two. I am planning on completely changing my introduction and conclusion so it focuses on either cause or effect. I need to delete a body paragraph and write a new one.
ReplyDeleteFor revising my essay I will focus on reorganizing my essay so that the way that topics are brought about are more structured and bring a more fulfilling conclusion to my essay. My essay right now has the practical factors that lead to me choosing Angelo State first, and then the more emotional factors after. For the revision, I will do the opposite and have the emotional factors first, such as location and friends, then bring in tuition and end it off with the business program. This allows me to jump into my conclusion and discuss how these causes lead to the effect of me being able to acquire a job anywhere. Hopefully this plan of revision will let me acquire the best possible grade I can achieve.
ReplyDeleteThis is Johnny Lopez
DeleteThe topic for this essay involves the causes and effects of deciding to attend Angelo State. Even though I feel my essay is sufficient it does need to be revised to make it more than just adequate. Some improvements such as combining short sentences, grammar, spelling errors, and adding another example(paragraph). Firstly, I'm good at throwing examples out to try and form a paragraph out. I'll make sentences randomly and then rearrange them within each other, but this rather a problem sometimes because they are sometimes too short. In this process, when having words flow through, I end up going to fast and misspelling things so I’ll need to go back and fix those while also capitalizing missed “I’s”. Lastly, one of my examples is too long, so I plan on shortening that and adding another filler example to make the essay as long as I need. Hopefully then I will have made essay more than adequate to get that “A” I'm longing for.
ReplyDeleteThis essay I really enjoyed writing, but there’s a few things I can do to fix it. I made a lot of grammatical errors so I’m going to go back over it and rewrite sentences that do not make sense or may sound repetitive. Many things that are not good writing skills I used and I am going to see what I can do to fix those errors as well. I also do pretty good on spelling, but just to be safe I’m going to go back and fix the minor spelling errors, if any. Looking at my paper I realized that I can delete a few unnecessary sentences. When I’m done with my revision I’m going to read back over it and I may find something I need to fix again. I may rearrange so that I can make my paragraphs flow better.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this essay, however there are a few things that I see that I can make revisions to. There are a few word choices that can be better, and sound more intellectual. I can also change the punctuations and maybe the paragraphs as well. The ending is sort of run on, so I will also be changing that.I would like it to flow nicer, so I will be making the revisions.
ReplyDeleteIn my essay I had the mistake of writing about “cause and effect” instead of doing a cause or effect. So I am in the process of rewriting my essay to only include the causes of why I am attending ASU. I am also going to make more information out of all of my main ideas and make sure I present them thoroughly. It’s also important to read through it a couple of times and make sure this is no punctuation or spelling mistakes. I will take my time on the revision of this essay because last essay I didn’t have enough revision. There is no such thing as a perfect essay from a rough draft and now I understand that.
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ReplyDeleteI plan on revising a couple of things on my cause or effect essay. My goal is to delete any sentences that are not needed and add more detail to backup my effects on deciding to attend Angelo State University. I also want to move around sentences throughout my essay. It will help my essay tremendously because my transitions between my paragraphs will flow smoothly and it will be easier for the reader to understand what I am talking about. My intentions are to not repeat myself so much. By selecting different words that mean the same thing will help my essay not seem so repetitive. In addition I plan on correcting any errors in punctuation, spelling, and grammar I might have made when writing my essay. My last revision will be making my essay a little bit longer.
ReplyDeleteMy rough draft essay is short and needed to fix a lot. First, I think I have to make my thesis statement more clearly. The main point talking about my essay is too vague and hard to find so readers could be not easy to understand what I’m talking about. It would be better for my paper if I make the thesis clearly and move it to the front. Secondly, I need to make more paragraph after stating thesis. I just stated my thesis without enough examples so it seems like baseless. It would be better to add 1 or 2 examples about result of my thesis. Thirdly, my wording is needed to be fixed a lot. I need to correct some grammar errors, a few extra words.
ReplyDeletethe way I'm going to fix my essay is by changing some of the words I used and possibly making it longer. I think I should elaborate more on my causes and add a few more reasons to why I chose this college. Some of the punctuations I used were wrong or I didn't add any in so ill go back and add those in. I want to make this essay a little longer than my last one and fix up the thesis statement to where is fits in the essay just right.
ReplyDeleteMy cause and effect essay is going to need work. I am going to need to redo my title so that it is not boring to the reader. Doing this will catch the readers' attention. There were some grammar and punctuation errors also. Some sentences needed to also be reworded to make sense. Words in some of the sentences are not needed also. After doing this, my essay will be drastically improved.
ReplyDeleteFor revising my essay I will focus on reorganizing my essay so that the topics are in order. I also need to change some words, and fix some punctuations that I used wrong. I'm going to also going to delete some sentences to make my paper flow better The biggest thing I'm going to change is my conclusion to end my essay better.
ReplyDeleteIn revision on this essay I plan on making changes that alter it substantially. I hope to make changes that are significant enough to get me an A. I want to make the same grade or better on this essay as the last one. During revision the substantial changes I plan on making will be based off of what my workshop partner advised me to do on the cause and effect worksheet. The main point my workshop partner told me was to make my thesis stronger and wrapping up my introduction better with it. I also plan on rearranging the body paragraphs to make the paper flow better and make more sense. I will need to add more information that is stronger in the body paragraphs to support my thesis. I will need to make sure that my introduction and conclusion are the best they can be for my final draft. These changes will help to make my entire paper stronger as a whole.
ReplyDeleteMy essay is in need of some major reorganizing of my body paragraphs. Organization is always the toughest part for me when it comes to writing. My partner suggested restating my thesis in my conclusion in order to make it stronger, which I agree. The biggest problem with my essay would be the way the body of my essay was put together. I need to form the paragraphs to go into a contributory manner so that it can make more sense. Another suggestion for my essay would be to reread it several times because when I write a rough draft, I do not pay attention to grammar. Perhaps even change some word choices to better ones or break run on sentences into separate sentences because I know that is also a flaw I have. Over all my essay needs some minor tweaking and readjusting.
ReplyDeleteA couple ways that i am going to change essay will be that i will make sure my thesis statement is right and not sloppy. I will look through the whole essay, give more detail behind my effects of attending San Angelo State University. I'll make sure that there isn't any misspelled words that I can fix. I will scan over my essay and make sure there isn't any screw ups.
ReplyDeleteFor my revision, I plan on making several changes to my essay. The first thing I’m going to do is rearrange my thesis to a better spot in my paragraph. This will allow my essay to flow better when reading it. The next revision I’m going to make is to change up the order of my examples, so that if makes more sense in the essay. This will give the body of the essay more depth. Finally the last corrections I am going to make, are grammatical and spelling errors. This is how I plan to revise my essay and strive to get an A grade.
ReplyDeleteFor my essay i plan the edit my attention grabber by asking a better question. Something that wouldn't doesn't sound so formally asked like the question i first put in my rough draft. Then i will find a better way to list my main points in my thesis and order them in a much better way. I will also have to better my transitions from paragraph to paragraph. I will most likely end a paragraph with a sentence that corresponds with the next main point of the next paragraph. Just like with my main points in my thesis i will try to order my paragraphs properly. My conclusion will also need some organizing with the main points.
ReplyDeleteFor revising my essay I would start out with my introduction paragraph. I would insert a surprising statement that said something like, “Believe it or not, not everyone who goes to college knows what they want to do when they grow up.” Then I could follow up with how that relates to me. The next thing to do is elaborate more on my essay topics to give it some more length. Lastly just touching up on my mechanics.
ReplyDeleteThe first revision I did on my paper was to show more detail between the main cause and the contribute causes in the essay. The reason for this is because in the rough draft it look like all the causes I stated were only contribution causes. I didn’t focus on a main cause for why I joined ASU. I revised it to the point of were it now shows the main cause and some contribute causes. Another revision I made was to add more detail to the conclusion part of my essay. The reason for this is because my conclusion for the rough draft was a messy version for the introduction. I edited it to the point to which it almost restates the introduction but still being different from it. Lastly I will have to proof read it to make sure that there are no errors in grammar of in spelling.
ReplyDeleteWhen beginning to revise my essay on how attending Angelo State has affected me, I will mostly be focusing on correcting grammatical errors and punctuation. During the pier grading time, my partner explained to me that it was a relatively well-developed paper already but could use some punctuation and vocabulary enhancements. This paper was surprisingly quite easier than our previous essay we were assigned. Getting it all down on paper and realizing how much this school has influenced me is somewhat surreal. By the end of my revisions, I will hopefully be able to make a drastic enough change to fulfill the contract of receiving an A or B.
ReplyDeleteThe first and most critical change I will need to make is to ensure my thesis is clearly stated. This will require a fair bit of thought because I still prefer subtlety over simply bashing the reader upside the head with a brick labeled "THIS IS MY THESIS PLEASE ENJOY IT". Figuratively, of course. Fortunately or unfortunately, such a seemingly small rework to my essay's framing will have a cascade effect. The entire structure, particularly in the end paragraph, will need to be shifted around a bit. I suppose that is also as good an opportunity as any to change up the flow a bit and try a new method of ordering the entire thing. The exact method will likely be predicated upon whatever technique I employ to bring the thesis into the forefront of the reader's awareness. I might as well continue where I left off on the last essay in terms of experimenting with various tools such as em dashes, semicolons, ellipses, etc. It's kind of fun to do but I'd best be cautious lest I end up losing points for getting a bit too out there while playing around.
ReplyDeleteI wrote my paper over the effects of me coming to San Angelo. In my paper some of the effects were that my family and I not being able to see each other. Some other effects were me missing all my friends back home and also making new friends here at San Angelo. The person who edited my rough draft said my effects were very clear, and that he could tell that I was stating the effects of me attending San Angelo. My editor also told me that my thesis statement was clear enough to see, but I just need to make it stronger. I also have a lot of grammatical errors that I need to fix. Another thing I need to do is make my conclusion a lot shorter than what it is. Overall though I do think this paper will turn out to be really good once I revise it. I say this because the prompt that she gave us was something easy for me to talk, about and I could easily relate to.
ReplyDeleteI wrote my paper on the causes of my coming to ASU. In my essay I had trouble going into detail on my lesser subjects because they did not effect me that much. I also need to transition better into each paragraph. Right now my essay is actually atrocious and needs major work to become at least a decent essay so I will continue to change and add more until it is good to turn in. Another thing I need to work on in my essay is vocabulary although that is what I am least worried about because most of the time I do not have trouble with using a higher level of vocabulary.
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